MORE strange self-reflection and SOME of the Real World(!)

Gaah. This is the fourth time today I've tried to start a post, the first three being started on a blogging app that obviously does not work. It kept deleting everything I'd written every time I tried to save it. So I think I've given up on that, except for reading stuff I've written before, cause trying to decipher previous mind-craziness is always fun. So now I'm writing this on the actual website, but still on my iPod. I found out as long as you load the page when you have wifi, you can keep typing even when you don't - it doesn't be annoying and try to reload the page unsuccessfully. And once again, as I wrote several times today already, I've noticed that a large percent of what I put on my blog is about my blog. Which itself isn't such a bad thing for something very intended for self-reflection, but so much of it probably isn't healthy - for my blog.

So life has been good, or God you might say. Ha. Ha. Bad puns. But I really don't want to rewrite everything yet again, so that's all you're going to get on that. Earlier this afternoon, Simona asked me to share at the college conference, like for the set topics at the afternoon time. And first I was really freaked, but then I sort of felt like I should. So I said yes. And then proceeded to over-analyze myself and then fall apart in front of the Lord for like 10 minutes. But I think that was good - healthy or whatever. In a spiritual way. Moment by moment realizing my failness on deeper and deeper levels and just constant consecration. Generally, I've just been realizing that, surprise surprise, the elders are right! - Daily morning revival and prayer both personal and with a vital companion really are necessary things and can change your life for the so-much-better.

Now that that's off my chest, for now at least, I've realized that I actually have a pretty big list of things I need to do by tomorrow. I need to: find an article about archaeology in the news and write about a page about it for extra credit; study for an ASL sign language vocab and finger-spelling quiz tomorrow; type in and print out my completed short answers to some ASL homework; figure out what I'm going to wear this weekend so I can look semi-pretty but still proper; actually do my laundry so I can wear whatever I find; pack that plus all the other normal weekend-away-from-home stuff; probably go to the ATM before leaving school tomorrow so I have money in case I need some this weekend; study/figure out what I can bring to study for my computer engineering class I have a quiz for Monday morning; STOP eating so many calories just before I'm going to go be around 1300 people, one-third of whom know me on some degree; and, oh yeah! Stop writing in this blog and actually use the last half hour of Thursday to go do some of those things!

On that topic, at least in a roundabout way, I've been trying to get 8 hours of sleep every night. Operative word there of course being trying.  But it hasn't been failing too badly actually. The worst amount of sleep I've got in two and a half weeks was 6 hours. Which is still very satisfactory for a college student. This new habit (hopefully?) of mine has probably been a significant contributor to my general awesome-ness recently; or could it be an effect? I don't know and I don't care, but I'm going to try to keep it up. In fact, as an incentive to blogging more, I think I'm going to try to keep track of when and how many hours I sleep. And yes, I am totally ripping off the couple of slightly more prominent bloggers I follow who have a couple of life stats at the bottom of every post. Anyways, hopefully blogging and sleeping will encourage each other and everything else in my life right now. Most notably, my diet, which was going swimmingly for about a week or so but has been steadily falling since. And I'm not quite sure what went wrong, or how to get back on track, since I've tried and keep failing daily.

The previous paragraph was starting to look too long, so I started a new one. And now don't know what to say. Maybe that's a sign that I'm done. Or something else equally mysterious. As it is, I think I'll be able to print up my homework, find what I'm going to wear this weekend, and get ready for bed before I'm more than half an hour past my bedtime. And then I'll evaluate whether doing the extra credit is worth loosing a little of my precious sleep for. Probably not. It's effectively 2% extra for a class that is probably going to be pretty easy to ace. And writing - ugh. What am I saying?!  I LOVE writing, as is evidenced by my 5-paragraph blog post right here. Hm. We'll see. Feeling pleasantly realistic. I need to come up with a closing. I feel like it should somehow reference the fact that I have a grand total of 0 readers. But I'm pretty sure that is a very common occurrence in today's world of everybody, their mother, and their grandmother blogging. Maybe that was an exaggeration. The point is that I'm not sure how unique I can be, especially considering how uncreative I am.
(I've just noticed that every title so far has had an question mark. I don't think I'll continue that trend. This one gets an exclamation mark.)

Must I Have a Topic?

So. (Oh dear. Regardless of the fact that I speak like this, I will not allow myself to start every post this way. Rewind.)


This blogging thing is clearly an unbreakable habit, huh? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
A while ago, I wanted to write a post titled Emotional comparing my extreme low levels of emotional display to other people's and wondering whether that was because I'm bad at expressing myself or because I simply don't fluctuate as much emotionally. And what that would mean for my future ability to connect properly with people, and the degree to which it is in my biology vs. alterable. So because this has been bugging me and I'm always on my computer, I, of course, didn't write it.
Then, it follows that once I actually started writing, I didn't feel like writing about that. So I decided to pick up another more recent idea that had been floating around my head. I've become slightly fascinated with my flatmates' habit of definitively professing the opposite attitude to how they actually feel, the attitude they wish they had or think would be better for them (I think my CogSci class is getting to me). But once I put them on screen, those phrases I had crafted so carefully whilst brushing my teeth in the morning just seemed fake and rather boring. I think that all I can gather from this failness is that, once I've had an idea, I must put it down within a day probably, or it just won't work.


And there we have it. I'm stuck again with no topic, at least not one that will work right now (Maybe I'll save those and see if they catch my fancy in a few months.  But probably not.  Blogging strikes me as a very in the moment thing).  I've not watched any movies, read any books, eaten any interesting well-prepared (or not) food, and I'm not planning on doing anything particularly noteworthy.  And on second thought, what's wrong with that?  I agree that reviews of books/tv shows/food are interesting to read, but this blog is not really meant to be themed in any way.  And yet I also completely agree that a list of events I've done during the day, that I do pretty much every day, is definitely boring.
So what makes a blog? Must my life be full of diverse activities for which I have not the time or the money? Maybe so. Popular blogs might be so because they detail parts of lives that we wish we could have. Although I've definitely read blogs about events, thoughts, and feelings that are not so enviable.
Then, of course, a notion I've heard before comes back to me - that your blog is what you make it. The question follows, what am I going to make of this blog? What shall I write about? I started with the opinion that I could simply take whatever was at the front of my mind, make it like a journal. The only problem with that is that most of the time, I don't 'know my own mind', I either don't have much of anything on my mind or I don't know how to say it. So I'm proposing something, to... myself; for the next while at least, I will use this blog to figure out what I feel, what I'm thinking, how I'm reacting to certain things. After all, I was going to blog about my difficulty in expressing how I feel, so this seems a very neat way to close.


And then once I finished the post to my semi-satisfaction, I realized that there actually are a few things happening in my life that I am excited for. Most immediately, Veteran's Day is Thursday - no class and postponed homework. And then I'm going to a wedding this weekend, and although I'm not too excited about that, it includes spending a night at my parents' house because the wedding is near there. Yay! And obviously I'm also going home for Thanksgiving in a few weeks, which is also yay-ful. I'm hoping to use some gift cards I have for a bookstore to get Paper Towns and The Hunger Games, two books I've been really wanting for a while now. If/when I buy/read those, I will try to remember to blog about them. More long term, I'm excited for the next series of Doctor Who in the spring, as it's recently been announced that it will be a split series more focused on a long-arc story, with a 'game-changing mid-season finale'. Which, obviously, just increases the awesome, plus, of course, my tension till then. I'm trying not to spoilerize myself too much, but sometimes its hard.

Habit Already? Really?

Classes weren't that amazing, and I was feeling rather in denial, so I wasn't going to post today.  Yet, for some reason, this page keeps calling me, and I don't feel like going to bed yet.  I am confuzzled.  Isn't it supposed to take at least three weeks or something to form a habit?  And I don't even have anything interesting to write about.


Well, I guess I have to resort to how my day went, making this a short and terribly uninteresting post.  I'd apologize, except no one is really reading this so far.


Physics and Circuits went about how I expected them to.  Every quarter so far, I've had my science classes in the same stuffy room.  My engineering class is already so small that we didn't even get a tiered room.  I don't know whether to feel disappointed or exclusive and proud of the fact that I've stuck with it.  Though, I am annoyed at trying to see through all the guys sitting in front of me and have determined to sit as far in the front as possible with only ten minutes to walk in between my classes.
My Cog Sci professor managed to make it sound pretty cool, but he is only giving like three of the lectures.  The rest of them will be from 'experts in their fields', and it is up to us to piece everything together.  This seems ok, and right now I'm just satisfied with the fact that there are no essays directly part of our grade (although I have no idea about the format of the exams).


Sorry to disappoint, but my life is pretty ordinary.  Next time I'll try to make sure I have something to write about before I start.  We had a house meeting tonight, so I'm managing to hang on to my people state in spite of long class hours.  And then there is the first split up college meeting 'tomorrow' night, so we'll see how that goes.  And the barbecue Saturday at lunch, the 'Meet the Church' meeting that evening, and then the Lord's Table, coordination, and the 'Sunday meeting'.  Hm.  Perhaps I have discovered a partial cure for my hermitness: to keep going to meetings.  I say partial because there aren't always meetings, and I have previous experience of going hermit even in the middle of a busy meeting schedule.  But, it does seem to help! :)


Part something I enjoyed from the Life-Study of Genesis today:
The lake of fire is a "thirst-creating fire" as the "consummation of the line of knowledge".  However, the New Jerusalem as the "consummation of the line of life" is a "city of the thirst-quenching water".  Everything in the world, both good and bad, just creates thirst.  God's life is the only thing that can truly satisfy our thirst within.